I was once asked by a parent how to go about training children to develop the practice of private worship. Below is a letter that I wrote to the parent and I thought it might be helpful to share it with others. I have removed the names to make the letter more general and applicable to all parents:
Dear Parent,
Thanks for the question regarding how we should go about teaching and encouraging our kids to engage in their own disciplines of private worship. As I have reflected on this the following thoughts and practices came to mind:
1. Example = Emulation
We are hardwired by God to be imitators. This is especially this case within the household structure that God has established. Children imitate their parents. This is why it is so important to embrace the idea that every home is a Covenant household. What we do and how we act as parents will have generational impact. God’s maxim of “sowing and reaping” (Gal 6:7-9) demonstrates itself particularly within households: What we sow as parents will ordinarily be reaped in our children.
How does this factor in to encouraging and teaching kids to practice private worship? What we model in our own personal disciplines of private worship will have the most significant impact on what our children practice in their own personal disciplines. Our to state it another way, our example = their emulation. The best way I have heard this put was by my mentor John Piper. He said if you want your kids to love God, read their Bibles, and pray don’t just tell them to love God, read their Bibles, and pray. Instead, strive to be someone who loves God, reads their Bible, and prays so that your kids don't merely hear you but see you do these things.
There is a great example of this in church history with the great hymn writers, John and Charles Wesley. These brothers were known for their spiritual maturity and evident experiential knowledge of God. When asked what influenced and encouraged this they unhesitatingly pointed to their mother. Their mom regularly spent time in prayer, even amidst the busyness of raising all her kids. In fact, her practice was to put a dish rag over her head in the kitchen to let her children know that mommy needed uninterrupted quiet so that she could spend time in prayer with the Lord. This in turn imparted a tangible example of the practice and importance of prayer to John and Charles.
2. Family Worship as the Catalyst for Private Worship
Most people would say that private worship is primary whereas family worship is more peripheral. I would argue the opposite. When children are under our covenantal roof, as it were, the most significant practice in the home that will have the greatest impact on our children personally is family worship. It is here that God works through the word and prayer led by the parents to shape little hearts to love and live for the Savior. It is family worship around “the table” that will, over time, fuel private worship in “the closet.” This is why family worship must be an intentional and regular priority in the home.
It should be intentional in that we make a plan and have a structure because of the significance and shaping influence of this occasion. Coaches are intentional with their practices. Teachers are intentional with their lessons. But family worship is more significant than any sporting event or classroom lesson. So we should go about it with that much more intentionality. Intentionality happens as we ask questions like what Scriptures should we cover? What verses or catechisms should we memorize? How can we go about reviewing what we have memorized? How can we move from mere memorization to comprehending what has been memorized? What songs, hymns, psalms should we learn to sing? How can we teach them about the significance of the words that we are singing? How should we go about including prayer in family worship? What and who should we be praying for in family worship?
It should be regular in that just as we need consistent physical nourishment to sustain our physical health, we need regular spiritual nourishment to sustain our spiritual health. And God has designed that the main source of food for covenant children will come by eating at the table of family worship (Deut 6:7-9; Psalm 78:5-7).
It should also be a priority in that in light of its eternal importance we should make it a fixed item on our daily calendars. Too often we fill up our schedules with the family activities and then try and find a spot for family worship. I would humbly suggest that it should be the other way around.
As family worship becomes an intentional regular priority it will have a trickle down effect into private worship. Our children will see that just as Scripture has a central place in family worship so it should have a central place in private worship. As memorization and reflection, singing, prayer, etc. is demonstrated in family worship so it will be practiced in private worship. For example, in our family worship time (and in leading corporate worship) I use the A.C.T.S. prayer model (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication). I do this because I think it is a biblical model that I want others to emulate. When children see this model it will shape their prayers.
3. Practicalities for Private Worship
As far as the rubber meets the road practicals for structuring the time and practice of private worship for our kids I would suggest the following:
Have a Bible Reading Plan
I think the best Bible Reading Plan to start young kids on is one that touches on the most significant passages in the storyline of the Bible. A great resource that lays this out for you is The Gospel Story Bible. It breaks the storyline of the Bible into 156 stories. Under the heading of each story is the biblical passages that each particular story is based on. If you just took those biblical passages you would have a very nice and manageable Bible reading plan.
Keep a Bible Reading Journal
Also, you could use or adapt the questions that are at the end of each of The Gospel Story Bible stories as reflection questions for a Bible reading journal. You can draw upon additional questions by consulting the Long Story Short and Old Story New family worship resources. The older they are the more the questions should be why and how questions. The younger they are the more the questions should be what and who questions. For example, Genesis 4 discusses Cain murdering Abel. For a younger child simply reflecting on “what did Cain do to his brother?” is a great start. For an older child a more probing question like “why does Cain murder his brother?” is even better. Also, you can ask questions that help them connect various familiar parts of the Bible together. For example, asking “where in the Bible do we learn God’s thoughts about murder?” drives them to think about the ten commandments and God’s authoritative will for our moral conduct.
Give them a Prayer Guide
I find that the clearest and most helpful model for guiding my prayer time is the A.C.T.S. model.
A-Adoration: Focus on a particular attribute of God and praise Him for it. For example, one day you could focus on His Sovereignty and they could pray, “God, I praise you that you are in charge of everything.”
C-Confession: Either use a biblical passage or focus on a particular area of sin and ask God for forgiveness and grace to overcome sin. Psalm 51 is the clearest biblical example. Or they could ask forgiveness for how they have been unkind to their siblings, parents, etc.
T-Thanksgiving: In this area I always want to first and foremost thank God for the Gospel, which is the most precious gift he has given us. I generally take a specific passage of Scripture that highlights the work of Christ and turn it into a prayer of thanks. For example, with John 3:16 I will pray: “God thank you for so loving us that you sent your one and only Son to die for us so that we can have eternal life.”
S-Supplication: In this area I offer prayers for others. I start with my most significant relationships and work outward. So that means that I start with praying for my wife, then the kids, then the church. Children can do the same by praying for their family, their church, their friends.
Over time Supplement the Word and Prayer with Memorization and Singing
I would suggest starting small and simple and building from there as it becomes more a regular discipline. Once it becomes a regular discipline I would start by including Bible memorization. We want our children not just to read the Word but to hide it in their hearts and memorization is a further step in that direction. Personally, I love the FighterVerse program and app from Children Desiring God. It comes with numerous preset memorization programs and fun tools and games to assist in the memorization process.
I also think that by the time children can get their license they should have memorized the Westminster Shorter Catechism. This is something that I am borrowing from a mentor of mine. He would have all his kids memorize the WSC before they could get their license. He would do this because he wanted to teach his kids that driving is a privilege not a right and that privilege is gained through demonstrating responsibility. And the most important place to demonstrate responsibility is in caring for our souls. And it is good for our souls to know the truths contained in the WSC.
Additionally, you could encourage them to take time to express worship to God through song. I organize songs according to the same formula I use for prayer: A.C.T.S. The reason I do this is because on the one hand songs are prayers with a tune, as John Calvin has said. On the other hand, songs also offer instruction in these areas. For example, when we sing Holy, Holy, Holy we are both offering God praise and being reminded how praiseworthy He is. But songs offer the additional element of being more memorable because they are set to music.
I hope these inexperienced reflections give you some encouragement and guidance as you continue to press on to raise your children up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
Sincerely,
Pastor Andrew
